Sometimes I move too quickly. I don’t fill my life with many things, but I sometimes tend to pour myself into those things and lose track of everything else (especially when those things involve cameras or volleyball :-P). But sometimes I miss things, and I think I start to act kinda weird because it tends to sit on my heart.
So right now I’m taking a step back for a moment because I can’t skip over this part. In the last few weeks I’ve lost two friends and one canine family member from my life. While all had lived long loves, it doesn’t make me miss them any less.
First, the canine friend. My “Uncle” Choco was one of the smartest dogs I’d ever met (possibly the smartest). Like many toy poodles, he was packed with the attitude of a dog ten times his size. It also just made me happy to see how happy he has made my grandparents over the years, especially my grandfather. He even took after my grandfather in a lot of ways, making them often two peas in a pod. It’s an adjustment to think he won’t be there next time I see them.
The sky is always there. Sometimes it’s sunny, sometimes it’s cloudy, but it’s always in the same place when you go to look for it. That’s what made this last Sunday so hard for me. I often run the projector on Sundays and, unlike most churches, our projectionists sit toward the front, right on the aisle. And right across the aisle would be Nancy. She would get to church early and always say hi. And when it came time for worship, she would sing with her whole heart. I guess a part of me kinda depended on her being there (before church on Sunday can be a bit of chaos, and you just get used to having someone who’s always there). And then she wasn’t. To me she embodied this welcoming kindness that is so much of what Presby is to me, and it won’t be the same without her.
And then there’s Frank. There are those out there who succumb to age, but he was not one of them (despite his health). Maybe someone just forgot to tell him. He was such a character. He was also one of the most supportive people I’ve met. He made it a point to pull me aside and encourage me. He always had a smile on his face and could always put a smile on mine. There’s this very short list of people in my heart that, if I ended up anything like them, I would count my life a success, and he’s one. I miss him so much.
This is all going to take some adjustment.
In any case, these fixtures in my life are gone for now. I just imagine, many many many years in the future (I plan to live to 400 at least), when I get to heaven, Nancy will walk up and say hi just like always and Frank will put his hand on my shoulder and smile.
(And I’ll hear Choco barking at something off in the distance)
Okay, time to go back to being busy again.